If you’ve been single for a while and want to get back into dating you’d be clever to consider a New Year’s resolution that will help you to find love. Here are six small changes that could help to increase your chances of meeting someone lovely.
1. Start doing a social activity that you’ve always wanted to do but for whatever reason didn’t
Simply find a social activity that appeals to you and commit to attending for at least three weeks. This could be joining the local sports team, trying out a different gym class, volunteering at an animal shelter, trialing a yoga centre or beginners salsa class. The key is to find something that you like the idea of that surrounds you with new people. Do these people need to be single? No. Do these people need to be the opposite sex? No. Merely exposing yourself to new circles will increase the likelihood of you meeting a partner. Most people have at least one single friend, so the more new people you meet the more connections to single people you create. Not only this but doing something new gives you something to talk about on your dates and serves as a great addition to your online dating profile.
2. Speak the nicest truths without agenda: When you think a nice thought about a person (any person) commit to saying it to them.
People naturally view you more favourably if you?re positive towards them and are more likely to say better things about you when you’re not around. You’ll be hard pressed to find a person out there who doesn’t enjoy an honest compliment. Not only this but making other people feel good will spread happiness which is never a bad thing. Keep it PG though! A good rule of thumb is to not say anything to someone that you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to your mother. To avoid awkwardness compliment a DIFFERENT person each day. Another tip is to make your compliment honest and specific. It’s better to say “I like working with you Sam because you make me laugh every day” than “You have nice eyes”. If a person is particularly good looking it’s perhaps smarter to compliment their personality-providing that it’s true!
3. Control your negative talk.
The way in which we speak about others says volumes about ourselves and smart people take note of this. If you’re always in the centre of any gossip session commit to quitting negative talk and gossiping for 21 days. If you catch yourself saying something derogatory be sure to amend this with a positive comment or shift the conversation to a topic that is more neutral. If you’re online and suddenly get the urge to post something that is negative, rude, or could be perceived as mean step away from the screen.
Also monitor your self-talk. If you’re walking around thinking “I’m the fattest, least attractive person in this gym” pull yourself up on it and balance it with a positive thought: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Amen to that!
4. Join a new online dating site and commit to using it MINDFULLY.
Online dating gets a lot of criticism and can be very frustrating. However, there’s no denying that it’s one of the most common ways in which to meet a new partner. My own brother found his wife on match.com. Commit to just 20 minutes a day at a time when you will not get distracted. Do it before 10pm and never do it after consuming alcohol. An added challenge is to match to someone each day who isn’t physically your type but who has an interesting profile. WHY? It turns out that we’re fussier about how people look when we’re online than we are in real life. It’s quite likely that some of the people you decline online would not be dismissed if we met them in person, because attraction is about far more than the ability to take a good photo and edit it well.
5. Reduce your working hours
If you can cut your working hours this could be a game changer for your dating life. You will have more time to do something you enjoy, you will likely feel less stressed, and it will also hopefully give you the time to go on that date! Scientific research suggests that the best change a person can make for their dating lives is to improve their work-life balance. Consider whether you’re bringing the office home too much, whether you’re answering non-essential emails outside of office hours and whether your job has become your life. Does this sit well with you? Contrary to Walt Disney, relationships take time, energy and work in order to be successful so if you continue to work extremely long hours in the office you are reducing the odds of meeting someone and having a meaningful relationship.
6. Be brave about being single.
There’s no shame in being single or expressing your desire to change this. Remind yourself of this every morning for 21 days, commit to telling people that you’re single and looking to meet someone new this year. Some people may be unaware of your relationship status, some might think you want to remain single. As for that lovely person who hasn’t ever approached you? They’re much more likely to come forward if they know you’re single and interested in dating.
Instead of committing to a year of change, which can be unrealistic and daunting, I suggest trying one of these for 21 days, which is scientifically proven to be how long it takes to form a habit. Finally a New Year’s resolution that we might be able to keep!
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